Suicide Watch

You ever see An Officer And A Gentleman with a very beardless, but insanely Mantastic Louis Gossett, Jr.? Well, there was that one cadet, the one who wasn't named Richard Gere, who scored himself a really cute townie, fell in love with her, assumed that she loved him for who he was, but it turned out that she just wanted to catch herself an officer, but he didn't know that so he quit the Air Force mere days from completing his training to be with her, proposed marriage, got dumped because he wasn't an officer candidate anymore, and then hung himself because he realized what a chump he was. Remember that guy? Remember what the cute townie said about him? She said something akin to, Who drops out this close to graduation? Who drops out this close to the finish line?

Ladies and gendarmes, I give you Jess Vickery, former Mantastic 2006 contestant. Like Jim Brown, he shaved mere days before the final check-in. Who shaves this far in? The humiliating part is over. Now it's just a matter of waiting it out. But no. Something (or someone) made these guys flip out and shave.

My suggestion is that we watch these kids really closely. Once they realize how badly they blew it, we could find them swinging in a closet anytime soon.

As a matter of fact, I'm suggesting we send someone down there to confiscate their belts. We can't take a chance.