The Styles

Thousands, or perhaps millions of years ago, Michelangelo carved one of his most famous works, 'David.' Lesser known are his attempts to improve upon this masterpiece. These reproductions of 'David' are known as the 'Barbe Ideali', or 'Ideal Beards.' These works were considered heretical for being inhumanly beautiful, and were destroyed. Below, we present an "artist's" depiction of what these Ideal Beards could have possibly looked like, based on available evidence.

(Translated from Latin by Mr. Hirsute)

Barba del Mento

Also known as The Amish.

La Barba Più Bella Di Tutti

Also known as The Neckbeard.

Barba Della Capra del Mento

Also known as The Amish Goatee.

Made famous by Klingons in '60's Star Trek.

Uomo Di Primative

Also known as The Neanderthal.

(Note: Uomo Di Primative is the only style that mandates absolutely no grooming. You cannot trim or sculpt in any fashion. The hair that comes out of your face naturally for an entire month, regardless of it's location, is The Neanderthal.)

The Lemmy

Michelangelo was a big fan of Motorhead. Also known as the Chester A. Arthur.

The Manubrio

Also known as The Handlebar.

(Note: The handles on your Handlebar will extend completely to the jawline. FYI.)

Taglio del Montone

Also known as The Muttonchop or The Wolverine.

The Selleck

Also known as The Trebek.