The Mantastic's Credo

Mantastic Op-Ed Piece

I'm Sick Of The Whining! by John Koester

I just have to say I'm a little ashamed of the whining going on around the Mantastic blog.

Jesus Christ, how simple are the rules. Pick a style, live with it for a month. How freaking hard is it to figure out how long a month is? What?! They didn't know their hair would grow? Jonathan Knight's the only one making me proud. Taking it like the MAN we all know he is. Gravel and disembowled animals? Shit doesn't get more Mantastic than that. I think he's a lifer.

For the rest of them? "Ohhhh, my face itches!" "My wife wants me to shave!" Who the hell are these people? How did they get jobs in this industry? (Ed. note: It's a pansy industry, that's how.) I want names. It's bad enough Eric J and I have to live through the deriding comments from the contestants in our area (mostly Jim Brown) because we refused to give up our Mantastic lifestyles just for the sake of a month long contest. We live Mantastic! Every fucking day. It's a commitment. It's not a game. It's where we live.

Let em tear their faces off and go crying to mommy I say. The sooner we find out who we can count on the better.

Love the T-shirts.

Says Here...

...that pickled onions are Mantastic. I'm not going to disagree. Anyone want to debunk that notion, I say, "Go ahead and try." Three cheers for Kane for busting out a little UK/Amish glory and bringing pickled onions from his own homebrewed stash for us to sample. I can feel my back hair growing.

What The Eff Is Beardsley?

I don't know, but all you need to know is that it's available now!

Pulitzer Prize-worthy Journalism

A Man’s Honor Lies in His Mustache
Arab News

RIYADH, 21 August 2005 — A young Saudi went to a local barbershop to have his hair cut and left without his mustache, Al-Madinah reported. The young man gave specific instructions to the barber on how to cut his hair. Instead the barber removed half the man’s mustache. The young man was in shock, staring for a few minutes, refusing to believe his mustache was gone. He beat the barber and attacked him with a razor blade. People in the shop saved the barber from the man who had threatened to put him in the intensive care unit for having removed the most valuable thing on his face.

More Arab News here.

Celebrity Mantasm Stage 2

Steady as she goes, Steve. Stay the course!

Quote Of The Week

"Neanderthals don't shave at all. We just wash our faces in gravel and pine cones after we dirty our beards with the warm blood of a freshly disemboweled large mammal."

- Jonathan Knight, when questioned regarding razor burn treatments.