The Most Frequently Asked Question

I think this question gets asked (and answered) ad nauseum because people just can't understand what they're hearing and absolutely need to ask it again. The response they get goes against everything that they'd like to believe about life on Earth, therefore scrambling their brains, erasing the data, and recreating the need to ask yet again. It's like that old conundrum: "The next thing I say to you will be true. The last thing I said was false."

Ok, folks. Pay attention now.

Q: Can I grow out all of my facial hair for a month and just shape it to my assigned style on the last day.
A: No.

It's that simple. No. No, you can't.

Q: Why not? (Usually asked in a pathetic, pleading, high-pitched whine)
A: Because.

Again, very simple.

Look, people, it's Mantastic 2006 and it lasts a month. It doesn't last a day. Do you really want the easy way out, because showing up with The Lemmy for one day doesn't sound very Mantastic of you. It sounds a little....well, I can't use the word, but it rhymes with "early" and starts with a "g." It's all about the cojones and this contest is designed to find out if you have them.

(Before everyone gets up in my gear screeching about discrimination, let me leave you with a quote from an esteemed member of our committee: "If ladies want to enter, that's fine, as long as they're willing to wear a fake beard for a month.")

We are very excited to have so many willing participants. It warms my heart. So much so that I'm posting this on a Saturday. We look forward to seeing you all at lunch break for Opening Ceremonies, looking sharp and clean shaven, just like you were when the world was new and full of promise.

Overheard

"At least I won't be covered in soap bubbles."
- Ken Voss, finding the silver lining of Mantastic 2006 when weighed against the trials of 2004's Extreme Chess Tournament