Mind = Blown

Thank you and good night.

Add another brilliant prize to the list. Yes. No, I'm not kidding. Yes, it's true. No, I'm not making this shit up. Yes, the prize package is insane.

Ladies and Neanderthals, I present to you the Gillette Fusion Power. You heard that right. That's the full name. Let me run down some of the brain-melting features on this baby.

1. It's got a battery in it that emits "gentle micro-pulses for an incredible shaving experience." For a moment, let's forget about the crazy micro-pulse craziness that the marketers are pushing. Let's get right to the nut of it: it's got a freaking battery!! A non-electric, manual, hand-operated, human-powered safety razor that has a battery in it. Next thing you know, you'll be reheating leftovers by irradiating them with micro-sized waves of energy. Science!

2. It's got six (6) blades. Yes. Six. Catch your breath yet? Well, sit back down, Old Gringo, because here's a news flash: One of the blades is on the back of the razor. The dad-gum back! Let me repeat that, mostly because I don't believe it. ONE OF THE SIX BLADES IS ON THE @#$ REAR! I think my heart stopped beating.

3. It's orange.

I will now slam my head in a car door.

Note: This wonderful contribution was made by Nicole, lovely wife of contestant Matt Hoard, who you all bitched and moaned about letting into the competition. When the winner of this unbelievable prize is having an incredible shaving experience while getting dosed with micro-pulses, you can thank your lucky stars that I don't listen to you people very much.