The Horn Of Plenty

Let me see if I can actually list all of the prizes. Can you make a list that's infinity long?

$65 cash
The Fantastic Mantastic Mirror
Two (2) tickets to see Brokeback Mountain
Arnocorps' latest CD entitled "The Greatest Band Of All Time"
One (1) pound of coffee from McLaughlin Coffee Company
Two (2) Tortuga Caribbean Rum Cakes
Chewbacca Pez Dispenser w/ Pez
Instant Hot Lather Machine, by Conair
King Tut Tissue Box Cover
Gillette Fusion Power 6-Blade Razor
One (1) can Hot & Spicy Spam
One (1) tube Kewpie Mayonnaise
One (1) 6-foot Belkin USB2 Hi-Speed Cable
One (1) 3-lb. Hickory Farms Beef Stick

Jeepers. Did I forget anything?

As mentioned before, these prizes will be broken up amongst the categories. We'll let you know when all of that has been decided. The Committee is going to work it out Constipated Accountant-style: with a pencil.

Celebrity Moustachios

Fun "what if?" times, courtesy of the good folks at Ebaum's World.

Click here for more!

Suicide Watch

You ever see An Officer And A Gentleman with a very beardless, but insanely Mantastic Louis Gossett, Jr.? Well, there was that one cadet, the one who wasn't named Richard Gere, who scored himself a really cute townie, fell in love with her, assumed that she loved him for who he was, but it turned out that she just wanted to catch herself an officer, but he didn't know that so he quit the Air Force mere days from completing his training to be with her, proposed marriage, got dumped because he wasn't an officer candidate anymore, and then hung himself because he realized what a chump he was. Remember that guy? Remember what the cute townie said about him? She said something akin to, Who drops out this close to graduation? Who drops out this close to the finish line?

Ladies and gendarmes, I give you Jess Vickery, former Mantastic 2006 contestant. Like Jim Brown, he shaved mere days before the final check-in. Who shaves this far in? The humiliating part is over. Now it's just a matter of waiting it out. But no. Something (or someone) made these guys flip out and shave.

My suggestion is that we watch these kids really closely. Once they realize how badly they blew it, we could find them swinging in a closet anytime soon.

As a matter of fact, I'm suggesting we send someone down there to confiscate their belts. We can't take a chance.

Clémentine Delait

Do you have to be a man to be Mantastic?

Clémentine Delait was a classic "femme a barbe" - a woman with moustache. But she was so much more as evidenced by this first-hand account:

"Elle avait bien raison de se trouver mieux avec, n'est-ce pas?"

I have no idea what that means, but there's more like it on this website, although I'd guess it means something like, "Jeez O' Pete, that's woman's got a giant beard!"

Casualty!

Well, not so much a casualty as someone who revealed his soft, white underbelly.

James Brown is now officially out of the contest. The question is: was he pushed? His excuse was that he had to go to meet with the director of our new in-house project. Seems reasonable....or not. Let me put it to you this way: He was interviewed for a featurette for the DVD release of our most recent project, not only in full Handlebar, but wearing his Mantastic 2006 t-shirt and angling his body to the camera so it could read the shirt loud and clear.

Hmm....

Let's review:

- A permanent DVD record of his moustache and shirt which will be available to the globe for less than $20 or the price of a rental: Mantastic.
- A fleeting get-together with a director who's already forgotten his name and the meeting itself: Shaved.

Either there was some heavy pressure coming from above or James Brown is as downy soft as a week old duckling.

I'll leave it to you to decide for yourselves.

I Will Now Jam A Pitchfork Through My Foot

I don't know what else to say anymore, except that it's an embarrassment of riches. Let me share a note with you that I received with this latest prize donation:

"I have passed by this item many a time, just waiting for an excuse to purchase one...

Needless to say, Mantastic 2006 has provided me with such an excuse.

I believe it is a perfect addition to your Schwag Bag.

Go ahead, give it a gentle squeeze...it's positively disgusting and charming all at once...a perfect combination.

PLEASE just don't tell me what it is used for by the winner..."

It was signed, simply, "X."

It's Kewpie Mayonnaise and you know you want it.

One last thing. I don't want a stampede to my desk of Philistines looking to get their hairy mitts on the mayo for a foul squeeze (And I will corroborate that notion: it's a pleasureably revolting sensation!). Squeezes are for closers!

Do Mine Eyes Deceive Me?

Methinks not!

Hello, and welcome to a new episode of Another Sweet Mantastic Prize!

Today's prize contribution comes from the man who loves Spam so much that he's got an actual Spam collection. Ken Voss, Mr. Handlebar 2006, has donated, from his private stash, a can of Hot & Spicy Spam from the good people at Hormel. Flavored with Tabasco Brand Pepper Sauce, Hot & Spicy Spam is a valued guest at any Mantastic's dinner table. Only dinner, you ask? Oh, no. Spam is good any time of the day. Breakfast. Brunch. Lunch. Second Breakfast. Eleven-sies. You can grill it, bake it, broil it, microwave it, or eat it cold right out of the can.

Special thanks to Ken and his amazing sacrifice, unless he's so cocky that he's assuming that he'll just win back his can of prized meat. If that's the case, I say, "Battle!!"

If you have a moment, be sure to stop by Ken Voss' Unreasonably Cool Spam Museum, located behind his desk. No sampling!