Mantastifest 2006!

On final check-in Monday, we rocked an event known as Mantastifest 2006. Smoked sausage, chili...food as far as the eye could see! A glorious time was had by all.

One of the highlights of the event was the debut of the Mantastic Daisies. Taking their name and color scheme from the Daisy razor by Gillette, each Daisy chaperoned a different style of facial hair. Like a muse, if you will. Here are some of the fabulous photos from that amazing day.

Group Hug!

Your Mantastic 2006 Champion!

Congratulations to Michael Clemens, aka The Clemmy.

Michael's prizes included:
$65 in Chicken Fees
The Fantastic Mantastic 2006 Mirror
One (1) 3-lb. Hickory Farms Beef Stick
One (1) original Starship Troopers T-shirt
Arnocorp's latest CD entitled The Greatest Band Of All Time
and one late donation, The Blue Box Gift Set from The Art of Shaving

A prize package fit for the Mantastic King!

Runners-up: Chuck Duke & Chris Morley (tie)

The Internet's All Brokey!

The pipe was jammed and stuff just wasn't getting through this morning, but we're up to speed now. Rest assured, during the downtime we weren't sitting around on our hands. No! Tallying votes, adding yet another prize to the winner's package, and generally getting excited about the big announcement today at 4:30. Who is the champion? Who will be the new king? Who will be most Mantastic of all?!?

Get out your good luck stuff and perhaps take a sedative. It's....it's too much, really.

Can You Bear The Glory?

Indiana Jones had his Temple of Doom. LeBron James had his Chamber of Fear. Mantastic 2006 has its Pyramid of Glory! It's too much for mortals to bear! My appendix is filling with terror and vile magnificence! Avert your eyes!

I can't look any more. It's too much. Click here if you think you can withstand the majestic onslaught of epic grandeur.

The Pyramid of Glory was researched and re-conceived by David Link, aka Mantasm.

Drum Roll, Please

Ladies and Germans, here they are, your Mantastic 2006 Best In Class Winners! Congratulations!

These fine fellows will now go head-to-head for Best In Show!

Voting starts NOW!

Michael Clemens: Winner!

The Lemmy

Prizes: The Best of Motorhead CD, Salame

Davy Wentworth: Winner!

The Neanderthal

Prizes: Chewbacca Pez Dispenser, Gillette Fusion Power Razor, Salame

Chris Morley: Winner!

Handlebars

Prizes: Manowar Limited Edition CD, Salame

Stacz Sadowski: Winner!

The Amish

Prizes: Angry Scotsman gum, Hot & Spicy Spam, Manwich Sloppy Joe Sauce, Belkin USB Cable, Salame

Devin Breese: Winner!

The Selleck

Prizes: Two (2) tickets to see Brokeback Mountain, Kewpie Mayonnaise, Salame

Adam Gerardin: Winner!

The Neckbeard

Prizes: Conair Hot Lather Machine, Salame

Chuck Duke: Winner!

Muttonchops

Prizes: 1 lb. McLaughlin Coffee, Tortuga Rum Cake, Salame

Don Howe: Winner!

Amish Goatee

Prizes: King Tut Tissue Box Cover, Tortuga Rum Cake, Salame

Winners!

This posting is a total tease. It's only to announce that the votes have all been collected, collated, and calculated. We know who the winners are! Great fun!

The winners of each class will be announced today at a ceremony in the 10th Street Milkgarten at 12:35 PM, where prizes will be distrubuted and champions lauded. It's going to be huge. After the ceremony, the winners will be posted here and the voting will commence for Best In Show.

Stand by for incredibly fun times!

Coup!

Great news! The Facilities Department is cleaning out the refrigerators today and anything not claimed goes to the Mantastic 2006 prize packages! Happy days!

No, I'm kidding. That's not true. We're not going to be having leftover food as a prize. Unless there's something really good in there.

Shoptastic!

Now that Election Fever has gripped you, it's a perfect time to stock up on more Mantastic 2006 gear! Don't be afraid! Everyone's doing it! Click here or on the Shoptastic button to the right.

Hot Dawg!!

Round One Voting Ends Today!

The voting is going extremely well, but there are still a lot of voters who haven't voted. Today is the last day to throw your weight behind your Round One favorites.

Tomorrow morning we will announce the champions from each of the facial hair categories. After that, we move on to Best In Show.

I'm nearly seizing up with excitement. I will now auto-defibrillate myself by jabbing my finger into an electrical outlet.

There's Been A Lot Of Talk

Lots of people have been coming up to me in the streets and asking, "What sort of a place do you work at where you can grow facial hair and not get fired?" Another favorite question is, "Do you guys all get together on weekends or after work to take those photos?" I've also been asked, "Got any spare change, buddy?" Pretty good questions, all in all, but I'm only going to answer one of them.

No, I don't have any change.

Har-har! Ok, back to business. All of these photos, with the exception of a rare few (Clemmy in Disneyland, for one), were taken during work hours. Monday, between the hours of 9 AM and 7 PM. We didn't organize any off-site, after-hours get-togethers. I see these guys enough; I don't need to see all of them outside of work, too. Eww. People gathered from their work areas, got their photos taken, then returned to their desks as you see them. Oh, sure, there was some embellishment, such as an Amish hat here or a sausage stuffed into a mouth there, but what you see is pretty much what we had walking the halls. Tony Lobay, for example, went from Programming's Employee of the Week to Renegade Outlaw Biker in a span of four weeks. Unreal. Nobody saw that coming.

I hope this answers your question. Yes, we did go from Normal to Nuts in a very short period of time. It's been a very interesting month around here, to be sure.

Thanks for your enthusiasm! Keep those questions coming, but stop asking me for money!

How To Vote

Let the voting commence!

First thing we're voting for is the winner of each category. Each voter gets one vote per category for a total of eight (8) votes per person in the first round. You don't have to vote for every category. We understand that it might be too tough to pick just one Lemmy.

What are the voting criteria, you may ask? Well, here are some guidelines, tips, and whatnots to help you get started.

Voting Guidelines:

1a. Vote early. It's a sprint, not a marathon.

1b. Take your time in contemplation. What's your hurry?

2a. Go with the sympathy vote. Mantasticness is about heart. If you feel it's more Mantastic to sport a chump beard than a full one, then vote for the underdog. Bravery is good.

2b. Screw that pathetic crap! Is it really Mantastic to vote with your pity gland? Vote for the thickest, bushiest beard in the bunch. Volume rules! A coward dies a thousand deaths, but a Mantastic beard will deflect bullets!

3a. Match the David. Michelangelo went to all that trouble. Vote for the beard that looks most like the ideal.

3b. Cast your ballot for individual interpretation. Just because some punk PhotoShopped some beard onto an old statue doesn't mean he knows diddly about beards. Vote for the contestant with the most style, or the one who photographs the best, or is the most ridiculous.

4. Every vote counts. Vote for your best friend, even if he can only grow 3 hairs on his face. Nepotism is fun!

5. Ignore these guidelines. One man's trash is another man's neckbeard.

More Prizes

Ok, we've officially lost our minds now. The Committee didn't feel that there were enough prizes so we went shopping today. We scored some really great deals and used our coupons and can now offer even bigger prize packages! What did we get? I'll tell you:

- The Very Best of Motorhead CD
- One (1) Molinari & Sons Half-Pound Dry Salame per category. Yes! Eight (8) salames to give away!
- Manowar's CD Warriors of the World - Special Limited Tour Edition Shape CD!

In addition to all of that, we've received one more donation: One (1) pack of Angry Scotsman Chewing Gum. "So minty fresh, it'll put the starch back in yer kilt!"

I'm exhausted.

Without Further Ado...

Our final Mantastic 2006 check-in was a wonderful affair, attended by local politicians, foreign dignitaries, local working girls, and rich socialites. A grand time was had by all. In the coming week, during the voting, I will be posting photos from this gala event, but for now, I give you...

The Mantastic 2006 Final Photo Check-In!

The Lemmys

The Sellecks

The Neanderthals

The Handlebars

The Neckbeards

The Amish